Breathe in. "Abba." Breathe out. "Abba."

One of the ways I pray is to silently repeat words or phrases, often matched to my breathing (if sitting) or my steps (if walking). This is nothing unique, but an ancient way of Christian prayer. I might use the biblical "Jesus Prayer," or the familiar Lord's Prayer, or any of a number of other prayers or mantras I've borrowed, adapted or developed.

Lot's of time, I'll use the word Abba, which Jesus used to refer to God. Abba comes from the Aramaic, and means, roughly, "Daddy." Jesus called God "Daddy." I like the intimacy and trust shown by this.

And so I've called God "Abba," especially when needing to still my active mind, calm my weary spirit and rest for a while in the arms of the transcendent. I sit in stillness; I inhale, attending to my breath, and silently say, "Abba"; I exhale, attending to my breath, and silently say, "Abba." I make space for Abba. I welcome Abba. Abba comes.

At some point, though, I felt the need to balance the maleness of Abba. God isn't a man, obviously. (God is spirit, yes?), and I wanted, in this practice, the awareness that God not only loves and cares for me like a healthy, functional father, but like a healthy, functional mother as well. God not only embodies all that is wonderfully masculine, but also all that is equally, wonderfully feminine.

So I made up a new name for God: I took the simple word Mama and rearranged the letters to form what seemed to me like a decent feminine equivalent to Abba: Amma. Never mind that this was my own invention, I knew what it meant, God knew what it meant, and it worked for me.

Breath comes in: "Abba." Breath flows out: "Amma."

Well, guess what? A few years after incorporating Amma into my meditation, I learned that Amma is, in fact, the female counterpart of Abba. It was a word all along.

I like to imagine, when Jesus was off praying by himself (which we know he did), out of earshot of the culturally patriarchical ears of most of his listeners, that he used Amma too.

Text and image © 2010 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.