I was taught
a three-part formula
for pleasing God,
for achieving success,
for finding happiness:
J.O.Y:

    Jesus first,
    Others second,
    Yourself last.

For a child first forging identity,
this is bad advice;
developmentally,
the child's primary task
is to put herself first.
Forcing her to do otherwise
damages.

When adults hear such formulas
they understand (one hopes)
the way to nuance them:

    "J.O.Y. really means
    I recognize the importance
    of my relationship to God,
    and I consider the rights and feelings
    of those around me,
    and I take care of my needs,
    but not at the expense of others."

It's never as simple as J.O.Y.,
though J.O.Y. can remind me
that it's not all about me.

A young child hearing "J.O.Y."
hears something else:

    Jesus matters.
    Others matter, but not much.
    I don't matter at all.

Where's the joy in that?

Text and
image © 2013 by Dirk deVries. All rights reserved.